Born in Birmingham, AL. Capricorn. “By the time I was 14, I was pretty bored with vanilla sex.” Graylin is an expert with his flogger, and he learned from the best.
Born in Washington, DC. Interests: Vinyl records and biking. “Onyx has really backed its principles with action–everybody here wants to create a space where everyone feels included. Just don’t be a jerk.” Derron hopes to help young queer adults of color feel less isolated than he did when he moved to San Francisco 10 years ago. Northwest Onyx Chapter San Francisco
Born in Santa Clara, CA. Lives in Mountain View, CA. Career: Mental Health, Marriage & Family Therapy. “The typical image around leather is the ‘70s biker uniform’. I lean more toward superhero and the fantasy/medieval genre, but I do like a nice singlet.” Pictured here hanging with Christian at Eros.
The Men of Onyx
■ MXD EXCLUSIVE
Cover shot on location in Eros San Francisco’s 18+ Sex Club 2051 Market Street and 1890 Bryant Street Studios courtesy of DK Haas
Director of Photography D. Maurice Gil adelantetv.com Main Photo Courtesy of FeliXieFoto
Makeup Roxy-Cotten Candy Production Assistant Brandon Cline
Founded in 1995, the Onyx Brotherhood is a national & international fraternity for gay, bi, trans, and queer men of color with a mission to help individuals Educate, Explore and Empower themselves and others in their BDSM, fetish, and kink journeys. For men of color in particular, the organization provides a much-needed safe and supportive space in these communities. And even 23 years later in 2018, it is a space that can be otherwise hard to come by.
Many of the Onyx men I spoke with in my research described situations where they have been rejected by others because other their “apparent ethnicity”, even in a leather or kink setting, yet also rejected in an environment that primarily people of color because of their inclinations & interested in leather or BDSM.
This is proof positive of the continuing relevance and importance of the space that Onyx provides, and of the mission the organization espouses. Onyx is an organization that its members have described with words like “comfortable”, “accepting”, and “empowering”, and shared that their involvement has facilitated things such as “spiritual healing”, “more confidence”, “not feeling ashamed”, and “belonging”. All things that many white queers can take for granted, even those into leather and kink, and in particular here in California.
In part because of overall advances in LGBTQ civil rights, the leather and kink “scenes” have become a space with many weekend warriors; those who don their gear and kinky personas only during specific events throughout the year. As a result, these once fringe communities have gained a vogue and much broader popularity. However, this has also served to detach outward cues, such as wearing a harness or carrying a flogger, from the core beliefs and principles of the lifestyle on which the BDSM, kink and leather communities are founded.
And despite the more mainstream adoption of the most visual parts of the kink, leather & fetish communities, and any social progress we can cite, race and sexuality are still ever-present flashpoint issues, each on their own. But in combination, they can be especially challenging for people, including other men of color.
In fact, Onyx strives to be fully inclusive–its members span the spectrum of ethnicities, including Asian, Latino, Black, and mixed race. And, the membership, while largely men of color, also includes some Caucasian men. This is a true and decidedly purposeful representation of the concept of walking the talk, not just the lip service that many other groups would offer.
The leather, BDSM, kink and fetish have a long, colorful history–and although there have always been those who identified with those communities, their narratives began without very many storylines that included people of color.
Graylin Thornton was one of those rare exceptions. He became a member of the Onyx Brotherhood in 2017, but he’s been a part of the kink, BDSM and leather communities for over three decades. Many of his Brothers describe him as the elder statesman–and rightfully so, because Graylin has seen and done a lot in his years of involvement, been a founding force behind some of Onyx’s predecessors, helping push forward the visibility of men of color in the gay and fetish communities, and holds many titles, including International Mr. Drummer (1993).
Graylin remembers some of his first experiences were at a sex club called Animal, where he learned a lot of the basics of BDSM in the upstairs part of the space, since the lower level was for experts only.
A native of the South Bay, Graylin went up to San Francisco to meet Alan Selby, the founder of Mister S Leather. In pursuit of exploring Graylin’s interest in leather, Alan took him to The Eagle and to follow him around and learn. Graylin became a boy to the SF leather daddies, so he grew up around and answered to the local icons of leather, and was looked after by them.
Leather was very much viewed as a “white thing” outside the leather community. And the reception for black people in the Castro was chilly at best, with only one black bar (The Pendulum), which was a dump. Even in the Pendulum the other black guys were not particularly accepting of kinkiness or leather–there was a lot of bitchiness and cattiness.
On top of it all, many in the gay community believed the AIDS crisis was the fault of leathermen. When people began to get sick, Graylin and his peers were shunned to the point where they knew they had to take care of each other. And when the men who he called his Leather Daddies started getting sick, disappearing and dying, he learned that it was his duty to take care of others.
Today, with his richness of perspective, Onyx is an organization he is proud to be a part of, and a way for him to give back as a culmination of his experiences.
To be sure, there is much more to Onyx than just having a good time or wearing gear. Its chapters offer education programs to help others expand their fetish skills (bondage, spanking, flogging, ass play, role play, etc.), including demos. In addition, every chapter has members who are current and former titleholders such as International Mr. Leather, LeatherMan of Color, Mr. Atlanta Eagle, Mr. DC Eagle, Mr. NY Eagle, Mr. Ebony Leather, and Mr. American Leatherman.
The tenets of support, spirituality, safety and saneness are critical to Onyx attaining its goals. Toward this end, it is the principle aim of Onyx to develop in its members the highest standards of loyalty to the established code of Onyx, and to treat all in society with honor, unselfishness and tolerance. By definition, the traditions, standards and practices of Onyx are manifested through each chapter’s involvement in contributing back to communities of leather and LGBTQ people of color, as well as youth and HIV prevention and care organizations.
It is the additional responsibility of each member to uphold the time-honored principles of democracy on which this country was built. Onyx prides itself on its hospitality, and making people feel welcome. They have had success establishing and growing chapters literally from sea to shining sea, with 9 chapters across the nation, including the Midwest Chapter based in Chicago where the group was founded, Southeast Chapter based in Atlanta, Northeast Chapter based in NYC, Mid-Atlantic Chapter based in Washington DC, Great Lakes Chapter based in Cleveland and Detroit, Lone Star Chapter based in Dallas, and Deep South Chapter, based in Ft. Lauderdale. CONTINUED BELOW
TREY AYINDIE FLETCHER PRESIDENT Northwest Chapter San Francisco
Born in Washington, DC. Lives in Oakland, CA. Identifies as Bisexual & Trans.“When other men of color see the Onyx patch, they automatically know they have a friend, because they know who we are and what we stand for. And that’s what we’re there for, is to take up space and be there to support those who are not even a part of Onyx.”
CHRISTIAN ERNEST BRYAN Northwest Chapter San Francisco
Born in Richmond, CA. Lives in San Francisco, CA. Career: Fitness Industry. “What appealed to me about Onyx was the camaraderie, and being able to feel completely comfortable being a black man with other men of color who are also into kink.”
Closer to home, Onyx has a solid, if not recent presence on the west coast, with the Northwest Chapter based in San Francisco and Southwest Chapter based in Los Angeles.
I had the opportunity to speak with each chapter’s president at length, along with some of each chapter’s Brothers. The genuine diversity of Onyx shines brightly in the Golden State, with Trey Ayindie Fletcher as the Northwest Chapter’s President. As a Trans man of color, Trey shared a journey of coming out like none I have ever heard. Coming out as queer, coming out as Trans, his transition while serving in the US Coast Guard, and the realization that he had at least one more coming out to tackle–that of being kinky.
Trey says, “In dealing with being a kinky black man, people tend to overly sexualize you, so having people who understand that experience provides a level of comfort and support is a chance to ‘not be the only one’. When other men of color see the Onyx patch, they automatically know they have a friend, because they know who we are and what we stand for. And that’s what we’re there for, to take up space and support those who are not even a part of Onyx.”
Trey identifies as bisexual and trans, and recounts his wife’s encouraging him to check out Onyx. “My wife Asia (also known as Girl Complex) has always been into kink, and that was her thing–but I eventually ended up getting involved in the Nighthawks Virginia (Leather & Levi‘s®) in Norfolk, and realized I liked impact (hitting, punching, slapping), flogging, and other kinks,” he says. “Asia also encouraged me to engage with Onyx at MAL in 2013. I spotted Mufasa (who is 6’ 4”) doing impact on a much smaller guy at the Onyx suite and immediately realized I felt connected and turned on. Later when I was stationed in California, I met Daddy Rod at an Onyx Eagle beer bust and started a long courtship with the organization, eventually helping to found the Northwest Chapter in 2017.”
Although I am gay, and even as a white ally, I can only begin to imagine the challenges of Trey’s path, and the strength it took, and still takes, to navigate it all. Trey explains that Onyx has given him “so much…everything that I was looking for: a sense of belonging and brotherhood, and a sense that I am OK. Being a kinky, black Trans man you really feel like you don’t belong anywhere. They never missed a beat with me.” CONTINUED BELOW
ONYX SOUTHWEST CHAPTER, LOS ANGELES The love among the Brothers of the Onyx Southwest Chapter is evident, and they are committed to breaking down the barriers of race, sexuality, body type & proclivities thru Onyx’s mission and core values.
“We are an organization of gay & bi men into leather and kink, but most of all, we are a family.” CHAD, EVERETT JUDKINS, CHAPTER PRESIDENT
“I finally found where I belong.” ANDRES
“When you are able to bring all the parts of you to the table is when you can become your true self.” YOSHI
“It was a relief to not have to explain things like BLM, or even discuss it with anyone in the group.” Wilcox Onyx:
“Being able learn answers to ask questions I didn’t even know to ask has big a big gift in my leather journey.” BEACON ONYX
Chad Everett Judkins leads the men of the Southwest Chapter. Chad knew very early on that he was different, even though he didn’t have the words to explain how, or the experiences to understand how and why. At the tender age of 4 or 5, Chad’s mother asked him, “Why do you always prefer to sit on a man’s lap?”
In high school, Chad had a classmate who was the prototypical, handsome star athlete on the football team. One night while out on the town, Chad ran into the classmate at a local gay bar. Chad was excited to see his high school friend, but the classmate was in the closet. Innocently, Chad shared this information with a co-worker, not realizing the danger that could ensue by sharing this information.
Shortly after, he heard that his classmate attempted suicide because Chad’s co-worker shared the information with his classmate’s mother. This jarring news became Chad’s impetus for coming out to his mom at 21 years old. Although Chad’s mom has always leaned towards being supportive she had plenty of questions like, “How do you know you’re gay if you’ve never been with a woman?” I think we all know the answer to that one.
These days, he and his mom talk very openly about him being gay, love and sex. While Chad may present as more reserved and mysterious, he definitely lives his life as his true self, even if only he & Mom know all the details.
Chad joined Onyx in 1998 through the Midwest Chapter and recently helped found the Southwest Chapter. He vividly recalls going to his first beer bust in Chicago, and feeling alone and out of place, not seeing anyone who looked like him. “The broader gay community is (still) leather-phobic, people say ‘ewww’ to BDSM, kink, etc., making assumptions that those into non-vanilla sex are careless, carefree, unsafe, promiscuous, dirty and disease-spreading.” Even today, that perception persists, even though kinky sex may not include any acts that would never spread STIs, and may not even involve penetration. “It takes all kinds of people to make the world go round. I want to be unapologetically, authentically me,” asserts Chad.
We have a long way to go, and we’re so glad that Onyx is helping lead the way by example.
Onyx is a Leather/BDSM Fraternity for Gay, Bi and Trans Men of Color. Their organizational mission is to Educate, Explore and Empower. They educate on a variety of topics relevant to the Leather, BDSM, Fetish, and Kink communities, providing a safe space for exploration, and empowering all to live their journey more freely, safely and happily.
You can find out more at Onyxmen.com.
