Book published by Greenery Press. YouTube video image on main image courtesy of Super Deluxe.
Photo courtesy of LeWand Massager
CULTURE
Kink 101 with Midori: Interview with the Author of The Seductive Art Of Japanese Bondage
■ PAOI EULALIA
What does BDSM mean to you? My definition of BDSM is childhood joyous play with adult sexual privileges and cool toys.
What does fetish mean to you? Fetish, or a fetishistic appetite, is a shorthand term for when a person experiences a state of hyper-focus accompanied by intensified sense awareness and powerful sense memory, through attention to a particular object or non-reproductive body part that’s formed a profound symbolic attachment for that person. This is part of the definition cluster I’ve come up with for teaching folks in my classes, as well as my outreach to mental healthy professionals, to better understand and de-stigmatize the real ways in which people are seeking erotic pleasures.
What was it like being a young person navigating your way around your sexuality, self-expression, and sexual expression? That time back in band camp. Haha! No, but seriously, I’m a dork and a nerd. The nice thing about being a dorky, nerdy, weird child–and a foreigner to boot–was that it put me outside of the teenage and cultural pressure to fit in or behave like others. Sometimes, watching other teenagers and young adults behave around mating and dating, I felt like a Martian anthropologist observing Earthlings. I found other dorky, nerdy, weirdos. They’re the best! I went along my merry way, mostly oblivious that I might do and view things differently. I think I’m still mostly oblivious.
What got you into kink? I have a pulse and I hit puberty. Ok, so what I mean is that the question feels silly to me. Like, what got me into sex, masturbation, being attracted to other people, eating food, or being thirsty? For me, kink isn’t something that I think of as separate from erotic curiosity or sensual pleasures. Until I was well into adulthood, I thought people explored a lot in their private lives and also had conversational decorum. You know, appropriate conversational filters.
As one of the kink community’s leading… Wait. What exactly do you mean by kink community? To this day I really don’t know what people mean when they say this. People toss the term community around like there’s some monolithic unified culture with shared values, benefits, privileges, standards and consequences. If I met someone at a kink event who likes to whack on folks, and if I like to whack on folks, that may be the only thing we have in common. They may be actively voting and behaving against my very existence and civil rights in all other aspects of life. There’s a more clearly defined CostCo community than a kink community. At least CostCo gives you a card and clear standards. We should examine what we mean when we lazily toss out words like community. Do you mean a commercial event or venue where many gather? Is it someone’s home? What makes for a sense of belonging for each of us? Is it about checking off the same box of interests in Grindr or FetLife? One’s community is built by personal effort and willingness to be there for another. What I have are a network of friends, colleagues, acquaintances, and students. Some network is tighter and closer than others. I have lots of people who support my journey who aren’t into kink. And I’m aware there are those who are kinky as hell who might not piss on me if I were on fire. It’s not the kink that connects me to people. It’s their personhood.
Thanks for clarifying that. Obviously, there’s more to kink than meets the eye. So, what about kink do people not understand and how would you like them to understand it? Any stigmas and stereotypes you want to address and dispel? More people are enjoying kink than folks think. The range of sexual exploration out there in the broader population is really impressive. I’d really like mental healthcare providers to get a more realistic grip on how, what, and why people are playing with kink. Recently, I’ve been approached by more healthcare providers and organizations about this. This gives me hope. People find their way to kink and play with BDSM in vastly different ways. There’s a particular way in which privileged white Americans have figured out how to do this–but this isn’t the only way. They are often blind to strategies of other people and other cultures. Bias and racism in the predominantly white kink social groups aren’t being examined. As one of the people who had a part in introducing Shibari to the English speaking population, I have experienced this daily for the last quarter of a century. Orientalism is pretty pernicious and rampant.
What’s your kink and how has kink affected your life and your well-being? I have to admit, the money I’ve spent over the years on latex, leather, and things that caught my pervy magpie attention could have been invested better. They definitely did not take care of my foundational Maslowvian needs. Because of my adventures and introspections about my desires, I am definitely more comfortable with my shadow self and my inner monster. A lot of people spend their lives avoiding their inner monstrosity. But if we make friends with it, if we let it out onto the local monster-beast park and let it have a good contained play time, then when the real monstrous evil of the world comes towards us, that inner beast of ours can stand and face it down.
What rope (or kink) jokes do you get often? How do you feel about people making those jokes? “Sorry I can’t do that. I’m a bit tied up right now.” Yeah it’s corny but cute! I like a good joke and a corny pun. And if I don’t like it, that’s what a gag is for. Right?!
Is racial sexual preference a form of racism? I hope it’s a curable disease.
Our young kinksters want to know: What’s your life like today, Midori? It’s pretty darned interesting! I get to make a living teaching people how to explore their creative potential and live with ethical power and pleasure. I create and make art – paintings, performances, and installations. I am part of this amazing super-region called The Greater West, and it’s a living culture. My New Yorker chosen family have finally allowed me the status of an adopted New Yorker. I’ve got the love of a good woman. I am loved by many amazing friends. I’m getting called Auntie Midori lots lately and that makes me giggle. When I’m struggling, and I do struggle, some nights can be very dark I pretend that I’m grande dame of the silver screens. You know, the Dietriches, Davises, Russels, and Hepburns. To quote the grand Auntie Mame, “Life is indeed a banquet, and most poor suckers are starving to death. So live!”
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Photography by Michele Serchuk
